I’ll Wait For You in the Place Between Sleep and Awake (J.M. Barrie) I’ll Always Love You, and Wait for you anywhere, Asim, everyday, every second, in every place. Need Your Faith and Belief in Me like Tinkerbell, for Your Wrong/Cheating to Stop I will never do to you, Take me back now like your word and follow through and take responsibility of your word and me again now, Stop slandering nor keep disrespecting and hurting me the way I’m not treating you like, Not Want Me to Die. I would follow you to the ends of the earth/any where in the world and back as how well we knew each other and how much I love and miss you so stop hurting me the way you weren’t treated like and stop slandering/disrespecting, and stop being mean to me. Find care again back for me, your love and respect, desire, attraction, interest, and wanting me back to chase after me instead. Know I can be what you want still like before, what the evil others are like instead from the inside out and weren’t over when you gave me your word you’d take me back not go run away, lie, disrespect, hurt and not go cheat on me. Know I can be what those evil, unworthy, mean others are like and care how it affects me :'(

Four and a half miserable, long years ago, my intelligent boyfriend, Asim, didn’t deserve to become mean to me, hateful after loving me back, disrespectful, leaving me for dead, heartbreaking, emotionally hurtful, cheat on me, insulting, slandering, careless, rejectful (why? What reasons? Thinking how I can be what type of woman he still wants like before and what is that like in sound of voice, personality, qualities to always want and accept me for the rest of our lives lovingly again now?) I am urgently, very seriously, and importantly needing someone’s help, a friend’s, another woman’s to help stop Asim’s unkindness to me now, find his reasons and answers specifically, and stop his being mean to me, hating me, heartbreaking, betraying/cheating on me, disrespect, carelessness, insulting, slandering me, hurting me emotionally the way he wasn’t treated like and I never would to him since Asim’s my love of my life, and help me win Asim back now, his care and love back, his time nicely again now, reconsidering and removing his protection order now, and become Asim’s dream woman again now.

Miserable time in Hawai’i, Worst Time. Shame on You Evil, Nasty, Cruel, Manipulative, Deceitful, Untruthful, Bitchy, Mean, Disrespectful, Wrong Man-Stealing Thieves at Kalani Honua (i.e. Alexandra “Aly” Ambrose, Shannon Higgins, Tinkara Koncar, Lucie Feenstra, and whoever else) Who Didn’t Deserve to Take My Boyfriend Away From Me Nor Turn Him Away From Me Nor Do Anything With Him. I’m NOT Moving On. Respect My Choice; Leave My Boyfriend Alone. Understand We Weren’t Through, You Guys Need Respect For Me; To Back Off My Boyfriend, Asim; Leave My Partner Alone.

Three and a half years ago on the 30th of June 2014 and the 24th of July 2014 my boyfriend, Asim Kaleem and I, had moved from Los Angeles to the big island 🌴 of Hawai’i with his word of he would come back to me he wasn’t meant/supposed to lie about. I couldn’t focus on finishing my college classes, hurting and crying from Asim’s absence, missing him, still loving him, thinking what went wrong since I had never cheated on him truthfully (nor did him wrong the way he did to me in Hawai’i badly to me 😥 ), sincerely and we never harmed each other thankfully in our relationship he had initiated four years ago, am still not a threat to him and do not want any harm nor anything bad for Asim (my love of my life who I need help with winning him back now everyday immediately and stopping his hurt and wrongs he caused and causes in a possible way I know of and can discuss with by finding a friend who is willing to help me and can reason and talk with Asim to know what his problems and reasons are, how to be wanted again from him now, why cheat/why not/why reject to find out these answers from him now importantly, urgently, and crucially/detrimentally; he is my dream man, and better half who turned out to wrong me and hurt me undeserved when I never treated him that way nor ever cheated on him. He did that wrong act and hurt to me and still aren’t over) was getting me ready to be his wife and not yet proposed, before he hurt me badly, wrongly, rudely, cruelly, and disrespectfully emotionally, betrayed me by cheating on me and lying about me to his yoga retreat community members who weren’t better nor superior than me, who weren’t amazing nor had more to offer where I still currently have whatever it is they have to offer and more (in competition with the cruel, evil wrong, messed up, insulting, defaming, untruthful, demon-manstealing-bitches), serve him better, am confident and talented like they are, and more than they are, and better than the evil demon-manstealers (“Aly”, Shannon, Tinkara, Lucie and whoever else Asim didn’t deserve to cheat on me for disagreeably, injustly, corruptly, unfavorably, in comparison, who hadn’t been there for him before I was, who hadn’t gotten his care, love, interest, attraction, affection, nor his protection mutually before me, and thinking why didn’t he want to take me with him there like he should have and still given access to me? He had gone to live and work at a heartbreaking, cruel, open, and spiritual yoga retreat called, “Kalani Honua” he had told me about before we moved to Hawai’i.

I had, and have been chasing after him out of love and wanting to save Asim in my life since 3.5 years ago when I flew after him to Hawai’i and currently still looking for help saving and winning Asim back, becoming wanted again in his best interest, becoming what he feels happiest with again now, becoming attractive and interesting to him again now, becoming his dream woman whatever this image/vision is like in his heart again where I was before, in his mind and perspective from the inside out to be wanted and viewed still as his love of his life back for him now and as his romantic interest again now where I belong. Asim’s my home who I belong with.

When I got to Kalani’s yoga retreat’s office from Hilo’s airport, I called and spoke with reception first and one of the receptionists working there 3.5 years ago at the time had been very catty, unprofessional, bitchy, non-understanding, cruel, mean, and had a bad attitude with me, she had a snotty tone, inaccurately/wrongly, disagreeably, and rudely said over the phone, “You’re not together anymore,” cutting me off, not letting me finish my statement/what I needed to say over the phone nor speak and kept hanging up, being unhelpful to me, not understanding Asim and I were not through , had no respect for me that he was not hers nor other member’s there at Kalani, nor understood what Asim had told me in person and by email about statements he was not meant to lie about importantly (i.e. taking me back after he was done finding himself and not go run away to the evil, other women at the yoga retreat), and causing me to call the receptionist back to try to finish what I was trying to say, then misportrayed me, exaggerated about the number of times I tried to call the front desk back (which was 2-3 times that day) and distorted/manipulated my character and behavior to look like I was harassing the front desk since I called them back, they were screening my calls, and not letting me finish what I had to say.

After, I went to Kalani’s lobby in person. When I got there and talked with a different receptionist in person at the front desk and told them I was looking for my boyfriend, Asim Kaleem, and wanted to see and talk with him, they called the community manager of that time 3.5 years ago, John Maestu, who with one of his co-workers at the time, Leslie Connelly, had greeted me and offered to buy me a coconut water on their tab, and had me wait outside in front of the lobby where the lanai was while I was waiting for them to call Asim. Leslie, one of the employees there, at the time, had brought out Tarot cards to play with and draw from and told me about some of the meanings and representations of the figures/symbols of the cards. I had waited a while. I was told by the community manager at the time (a gay man from Florida), John, that Asim did not want to come up to the lobby where I was waiting for him. 😥 D;

Without knowing why not, what his reasons are, or getting to talk with Asim and with a heart full of hurt, sorrow, disappointment, frustration, questions that have still been unanswered, and an unfulfilled need to speak with my boyfriend Asim who is the love of my life, world, light, precious, dear, everything, soul mate and better half, which I still want to know what Asim’s reasons, problems are, and specific answers to questions I have for him (like how can I be his dream woman still, what is that like for him from the inside out, in personality, sound of voice, characteristics/qualities, what are they like that he doesn’t see in me in differences/comparison/how would he see that I can be like what they’re like instead and become what type of woman he wants again now still, and how I can be wanted from him still together with him always, now, and forever, permanently, long-term, steadily, what that image is like to him from the inside out in confidence, spirit, personality, energy, sound of voice, qualities, characteristics, soul, thought patterns, speech/word choice/way of talk). I walked out, down a rocky, dirt path covered in leaves from the trees, to a bench atop a black-rocked cliff crawling with little, black crabs below the cliff in front of an ocean which is an area called, “The Point” across from Kalani Honua.

Soon after, Asim’s former manager, John, walked out to the Point to talk with me when I was sitting on a bench. He said that rejection is hard, not knowing nor caring about nor considering nor sensitive to Asim’s acceptance of me before he cheated, lied, made excuses that are not acceptable, and turned, what Asim and I had in our connection, happiness, and bond before when we were living together in Hollywood and what love, protection, interest, attraction, care and commitment Asim had felt for me before and aware of what he had said to me like having missed and wanted me before and felt like my guardian when he was protective of me back mutually. Asim’s former manager, John (was cruel, rude, insensitive, inconsiderate, careless, power-hungry, controlling, corrupt, unjust), listened to what I said about being discriminated against from Kalani Honua’s yoga retreat and wellness center, and alienated, didn’t hear how I wanted to ask what Asim’s reasons and problems are, how I can be the type of woman from the inside out (and in personality, voice, qualities, spirit) Asim would still want, accept, and feel interested in again then at the time and still currently now, and meaninglessly/untruthfully said that he was sorry I felt discriminated against since him and a coworker of his, Leslie, were being rude, he didn’t tell me why and for what reasons I was blocked out from Kalani 3.5 years ago, also not understanding me when I stood up to him and disagreeably remarked about challenging him when he mentioned I could not be at the Point. I did not agree with Kalani’s former community manager, John, among other statements (i.e. “Go with the flow,” Hawaiian folklore about a volcano goddess named Pele which I don’t believe in her and believe that there were some cruel, individually, messed up, evil, mean people inside of Kalani where some were being manipulative and my demons and evil to take my boyfriend away from me and turning him against me with whatever they were advising and telling him to do at his conscious decision making: I really hated those bothersome statements, and others I didn’t agree with, etc.) coming from inside Kalani’s wellness retreat center that were negatively influencing and manipulating the love of my life/my boyfriend, Asim, away from me devastatingly/heartbreakingly instead of allowing me access to him and continue growing together with Asim and not be lied about from Asim in his turning against me nor deserving being lied to from him and disrespected and hurt from him which I hadn’t done to Asim and never would 😥 D’: . Leslie then asked me where I wanted a ride to away from Kalani where I didn’t want to go away from particularly from Asim and wanting to know and didn’t the reasons to why they didn’t want me around there, and I told her at Kalapana, where Uncle Robert’s venue was and a small cafe called, “Kaimu Store”. On the way that Leslie was driving me from Kalani to Kalapana, she asked me where I was from, and told me she used to work with the Navy in Northern California. After I was dropped off at Uncle Roberts, there were a few encounters where I would run into John, the former retreat manager at Kalani Honua’s retreat center, at Kaimu Store or Walgreens in Pahoa, it would still be corrupt, unfair, and unjust when trying to talk with him about becoming unbanned from Kalani, and about legally help with Asim urgently. It wasn’t safer apart for the courts (as an excuse when there are no excuses nor justifications to Asim’s wrong acts) he put Asim and I through to forcefully against my will to separate us heartbreaking and devastatingly. That act showed how mean, evil, cruel, and corrupted John and Leslie were. After that, later that week, at Uncle Robert’s music festival in Kalapana, on Wednesday nights at 7pm and after, I saw Asim who came up to me and exclaimed his former manager (out of their place), John, made him at Kalani get his untruthful protection order against me and admitted to negative peer pressure and influence telling him to get an untruthful restraining order against me and later weeks saw Asim with another woman named, Alexandra Ambrose, who attended Uncle Robert’s with Asim, and was rude towards me by giving me a dirty look and staring at me annoyingly and meanly. She was dirty, cruel, mean, nasty and evil too like John and Leslie. Asim had lied about me and to me a lot to this community at Kalani Honua for reasons still unknown I am trying to find out presently. I have been trying to save and win Asim (who hurt me emotionally and psychologically, not vice versa) in my life and not let go, not wanting to move on and not allowing anybody (including unfair lawyers to tell me to move on when I don’t want to and is my decision like Asim is my only choice) since 3.5 years ago and become wanted again from Asim without being turned against, cheated on from him, rejected, and find what his reasons and his problems are and how to be his type of woman as his dream woman again now. Ridiculously, going through bullying because of this matter, psychological abuse against me and wrong labels, is absurd not me holding on to the love of my life, Asim. I’m proud to say that and stand up to those evil manstealers, and mean, wrong, slandering, defaming bullies everyday, constantly, non-stop.

After seeing Asim at Uncle Roberts and looking like he wanted to fit in with Kalani as he came with friends from their retreat, he went back to Kalani. The times I ran into Asim after were when he was either at Kehena’s beach, Uncle Roberts, or Seaview’s lawn, and seeing him driving off of the tropical, scenic, foresty “Red Road” (nickname of more formally, “Kalapano-Kapoho Beach Road.”

Outside the café of Kaimu Store, I met and talked with a friend who was like a good uncle, who sings and writes too, who I offered food to, and offered me a room to stay in from his home while I was sharing the room with a female roommate who had the bottom bunk of his home, I had the top bunk in the guest room in Seaview’s neighborhood while I was taking care of my court matter, when asim got his corrupt, unjust, untruthful, life-ruining, heartbreaking restraining order against me, with my boyfriend Asim when we were living apart from each other as I have been fighting to get back together with him and become wanted and he was in a nicer environment and housing at Kalani hurting me for others there and lying to and about me.

On The 16th of September 2014, that day, Asim and I went to our first court hearing in Hilo, Hawai’i. I had to hitchhike in long traffic and got to court late heartbreakingly. My car came later by shipment. Asim got his untruthful protection order and restraining order by default he lied to courts, on his application, and to a judge about me and our relationship making asim not worthy of having an untruthful protection order corruptly and am still looking for legal help from pro bono family law lawyers to help remove his restraining and protection order and win him back. He hurt me a lot emotionally, and still presently as I am trying to find out how to be wanted again in Asim’s life in person and him get along again civilly.

After the disappointing, heartbreaking results of the hearing, we drove back to Puna, the southeast region and neighborhood of the big island in Pahoa. I wasn’t and haven’t been wanting advice from anyone and know exactly what I have been wanting since 3.5 years ago is to get along with my boyfriend and have him to do the same and get along with me vice versa since he created this problem and created hurt, not me. I have been wanting to have him get along with me not hurt me. 😥 I cried and have been crying for him to stop his hurting me, to remove his untruthful restraining order now, and to stop his cheating, lying, his wrongs, and to want to take me back to win him back again finally now. I had never hurt him by not cheating on asim when he did to me. It wasn’t cool nor ok and very devastating, life ruining, heartbreaking, and hurtful. I tried to talk with my friends there on the island in Pahoa, a few said they would try and help with talking with Asim about the situation without passing a message to him and convincing him it’s best getting along, finding why not, and what his reasons, and problems are. Some did not want to help and were afraid legally. None of my friends who tried to help me with Asim got through to him successfully, effectively, and convincingly when they tried talking with him. I had to appeal the court’s decision on my own before I could afford a  family law lawyer’s help.

I moved from the guest room I was in where I had a female roommate to another room which was more private and my own room in another friend’s home. A couple who were my friends, named Jan and Robert, knew about my situation with Asim and allowed me to rent the downstairs guest room which was my own, private room in Seaview.

At this heartbreaking time, Asim started hanging out with other women and traveling with them over the island, to other countries, and photographed them hurting me for them making me think why, for what reasons, what he saw in them, his problems, and how to be what type of woman he wants from the inside out. I was looking for friends to persuade him still and for help to talk with Asim.

I really wanted to be allowed at Kalani Honua when he was there but I was banned unfairly, corruptly, rudely, and unjustly because one person, my boyfriend Asim, said to not allow me in when he was hurting me.

I tried to reach out to people who knew him at Kalani for help with Asim, they were mean and wouldn’t help and continued turning him away from me and against me.

This division was never the best nor right and messed up from the evil community manager and the individuals who turned Asim. Asim has lied many times, especially to this evil, cruel community of people who turned him from me and negatively influenced him and manipulated him away from me. He denied and lied about him and I being together to them and our relationship, manipulated/slandered/distorted what Asim and my relationship was really like, and what happened he lied about and I am hurting and don’t know why he is this way now and want to be wanted again from Asim now, crying, and want to still know his reasons, his problems as he wasn’t hurt, I was, and how to get wanted back from him and become his dream woman (what is that image like from the inside out?) to be what he still wants, and loves with him now without Asim’s untruthful restraining order against me.

Painfully/shatteringly/devastatingly/distressingly seeing Asim lie, hurt, and cheat on me heartbreakingly, disrespectfully, pathetically with cruel others from Kalani’s yoga retreat, I had to fight and try appealing his untruthful restraining order on my own without an affordable or pro bono family law lawyer at first. We went to court 5 times. In our hearings, Asim would lie to our former Judge, Nakamoto/Nakamura, created a dishonest, selfish, shameful/embarrassing, hurtful application for his granted, corrupt, unjust/unfair/untruthful 10-year long, undeserved/unworthy, destructive, damaging, heartbreaking protection order that expires in September of 2024 based on his lies, disrespect, betrayal, and his cheating. Asim defamed/distorted/twisted/manipulated/lied about what our relationship was actually like which was good before he did cruel, wrong acts like his cheating that did not happen to him from me since I hadn’t treated him hurtfully and didn’t do that to him, I still love him and was great to Asim, he lied about my background with his former manager, John, stating I was from New Mexico, which I’m not, allowing his former manager to commit perjury unworthily, unfairly, and unjustly in a court room (this does matter), also lied about [sadly] exclaiming he still cared about me (like he had before when we were together) to our former Judge in Hilo, Hawai’i who was corrupt, cruel, unfair/unjust, mean, and biased himself. Asim’s and my Judge did not see through Asim’s lies on his application nor his former manager’s lies in court. After Asim’s and our evidentiary hearing in May 2015 when he lied about my background being from New Mexico and exclaiming he cared about me in court, he got an unfair, unworthy, hurtful, cruel, disrespectful, inconsiderate, undeserved protection order granted until September 2024, and continued working with Kalani Honua and traveling with evil, cruel manstealers, like Tinkara Koncar, to Slovenia, a yoga teacher, and having her and others like Shannon Higgins from Connecticut and Lucie Feenstra, a drum teacher from New Zealand, model for him and whatever else, cruelly, disrespectfully, hurtfully, and dishonestly. I would see Asim drive to beaches on the Big Island with other women heartbreakingly, to concerts, and to parties. I was living in and renting my own room/private room from friend’s homes and property at this time in Puna Palisades and Seaview’s neighborhood in Puna’s district and neighborhood in Pahoa, Hawai’i in this place that was not truly a “paradise” but heartbreaking, hell, and hurtful.

After driving back from the hearings and evidentiary hearing at Hilo’s courthouse to Seaview, I would speak with friends and neighbors in Puna about my matter with Asim and ask if they can help talk with him without passing a message to him legally, reason with him, and find specific answers from him, but these specific neighbors in Puna were very corrupt like supporting his hurtful behavior in his cheating, they didn’t care how hurtful emotionally and mentally his cheating and lying was that didn’t happen to him, and unwilling to help. Those mean, passive, unhelpful neighbors would say backwards, disagreeable statements like let Asim go inconsiderately and insensitively to my heart, love and feelings for Asim, which I would never listen to nor agree with them. These types of cruel neighbors would also be of the “go with the flow” mentality which I didn’t agree with how wrong and corrupt they were, wouldn’t stop Asim’s cheating that they should have, and would not listen to their unforgivable unkindness. The specific neighbors who wouldn’t help me with getting my life with my boyfriend, Asim, back would be very unhelpful and had this worst type of disagreeable mentality that was very messed up and they knew how unfair, corrupt, mean, disrespectful, cruel and wrong they were to not help me with my matter with Asim and could have reasoned with him and helped find his problems and reasons and other answers like how he would agree to want to remove his restraining order then and now and how I can still be his dream woman and what that image is like from the inside out and see that I’m willing to be what type of woman he still, like before, would want together with him again now and find why not, his issues, help me save Asim, and convince him it’s better getting along and not keep lying, hurting me, and cheating on me which I truly hadn’t done to him and never would in sincerity and honesty. I would speak with friends to help speak with him in Puna and find the answers, they would not help, continue being corrupt, careless, uninvolved, and be cruel in the way that they would not stop Asim from continuing to cheat on me, disrespecting me, and hurting my heart and feelings.

What I saw after Asim and my court hearings was one of the worst experiences and a nightmare, besides very cruel, devastating, hurtful, and heartbreaking: he was continuing traveling to other countries like Slovenia and Italy in 2015 [with Tinkara, an ignorant, inconsiderate, careless, rude, evil yoga teacher], and to New Zealand in December/winter 2015 [with Lucie Feenstra, another rude manstealer who was and still is ignorant, careless, selfish, nor helping me with my boyfriend to stop his hurtful wrongs he has been hurting me by that does matter and is absolutely a big deal and matter, that he wasn’t treated like nor affected by since 4.5yrs ago which I currently always urgently still need help legally from a friend, a reliable, honest, kind, trustworthy, non-backstabbing, smart woman who can help me and go talk with Asim now about what his reasons are, what his problem is, to not be disrespectful, defaming, insulting, misjudging, negative, prejudiced, nor discriminate/alienate/isolate me, not keep hurting me heartbreakingly and depressingly the way he wasn’t treated, and how I can still be what type of woman he wants as his dream woman now like before from the inside and out, my boyfriend who never deserved cheating on me and being heartbreaking the way he wasn’t treated like since 4.5 yrs ago without passing a message to him and causing defaming, wrong, misjudging, jealous, bullies to be insulting, disrespectful and slandering/defaming/misjudging me, unhelpful {to me, not answering my questions about Asim} drum teacher] (where I adventured to and flew after Asim alone a plane from Oahu, Hawaii to another country New Zealand for him and unsuccessfully, heartbreakingly tried to talk with Asim with help from hiring private investigators finding him) with these other females who were yoga teachers, writers [Alexandra Ambrose] as well, models, or drum teachers from inside of his former yoga resort Kalani, having them model for him in a heartbreaking manner with their evil behavior blowing kisses [Tinkara Koncar] at my boyfriend who wasn’t and isn’t theirs and one of the other disagreeable, evil, rude, thieving, grotesque, repulsive, disgusting, asshole, manipulative, negatively-influencing, defaming, misjudging, bullying, manstealing bitches [i.e. Shannon Higgins] would model topless for him which was very evil, disrespectful, nasty, and wrong/cruel of her to do that in the bitchy way that embodied her cruelty and bitchiness. Those often disrespectful, evil, extremely disagreeable, insulting, offending, careless, inconsiderate, heartless, compassionless, defaming, misjudging, wrong, manstealing and manipulative, bullying, demons from Kalani Honua’s hellish yoga retreat had no values, respect, morals, nor care nor intellect to understand my boyfriend Asim, who is my love of my life, better half, dream man, soul mate was never theirs to do anything with, the evil manstealers need to leave him alone like the way he needs to leave the manstealers alone and not manipulate anyone including me in a wrong way, and that he was my business all along who currently still doesn’t deserve to be hurting me heartbreakingly and sadly the way he wasn’t treated like from me (Understand: I’ve been hurt from Asim emotionally for unknown reasons he has [I want to know] when he was not hurt himself in truth). Asim and I were never over when he wrote he would come back for me not run away to others he wasn’t meant to lie about me for nor cheat on me for and avoiding taking responsibility of his word. I will never move on from him, not let go ever, and don’t want anybody else except Asim, my love of my life. I still need and have a difficult time to find a more reliable, successful, effective, honest, smart, wise, trustworthy, helpful friend, another woman who can help me with Asim now and go talk with him without trouble legally without passing a message, and in a convincing way to get his agreement to remove his untruthful protection order now and answers about how to be what Asim wants still as his dream woman (from the inside out, what is that like?). Imagining and thinking of what Asim’s dark, sorrowful, devastating, hurtful, heartbreaking, miserable, terrible experience and actions he took was when he was traveling in Hawai’i, Slovenia, Italy, and New Zealand with the evil, wrong, disrespectful, slandering, demon-manstealers from his yoga retreat a nightmare and excruciating. He would wrongly go to music concerts, parties, swimming, traveling, and other events with those wrong/inaccurate/inappropriate, evil, unworthy, destructive, disrespectful, slandering, nasty, negatively manipulating/influencing, demon, manstealing, bullying, bitches who he never deserved to cheat on me for especially when he wasn’t treated that way nor ever subjected to that cruelty he hurt me with. My love of my life, Asim, didn’t deserve to photograph other manstealing, disrespectful, inconsiderate, rude, bitchy females as models evilly, hurtfully to me unworthily, and cruelly. At the time in 2017 at the beginning of the year about in February after returning to Kalani Honua’s yoga retreat on the big island in Hawaii, he decided to leave his wicked yoga retreat back to California to move to the East Bay Area to a town called San Ramon, which he has resided in since 2017 until presently, almost 2019. There has been contact since and emotionally hurtfully from him with few times of hope to gain Asim’s reconsideration to remove his injust, untruthful, disrespectful, manipulative, exaggerated protection order, not worthy of avoiding responsibility of his word, and finding out what his reasons are and how to be what he wants as his dream woman still and what is that like without keep hurting me the way he wasn’t and without his order now which this task a friend could help me with still now. He is working as a Salesman now selling cars at a specific car dealership in Fremont, and living in Windemere in San Ramon near DVC College.


Forever in My Heart/Love, Mind & Memories (To: Asim Kaleem 17/10/1984, refer to Ed Sheeran song)

Asim, you met Jasmine in the spring at the beginning of February 2014 in the foyer/entrance of the Charleston Apartments on Sycamore Avenue in Hollywood, CA. You were coming back home when Jasmine was looking for a new place to rent from by timing and hasn’t regretted meeting you and what happened after you got to know each other. You nicely said hello and she returned your greet. It wasn’t love at first sight as she genuinely was looking for more information about the apartments initially and had already contacted the landlord about the price who hadn’t been able to show pictures of the rooms for rent which is why she asked you more details about what the rooms looked like and what they included. You were polite to exchange numbers with her. You invited her to come meet with you and see the room when you spoke with her later that night when you went home. You spoke about your backgrounds, where you were both from, etc. After a month of getting to know each other, you initiated starting a relationship with Jasmine. You taught her lovingly how to be a better person, how to be more successful with getting work and having good interviews, spirituality, you missed her back and used to express that you missed her when she came home from work and were waiting for her on top of your balcony when you wanted her back that she still misses you now, misses you wanting, loving like when you had fallen for her and expressed it by your window and used to feel you wished you met her earlier mutually, and caring about Jasmine back, and still loves you today, always, and waits for you in the place between dream and awake everyday thinking of and working on how she can get her life wanted back from you, your love again, your heart, your care, your respect, your commitment, to feel happy with her still and be good back to her to still love and want her with you in your life as your wife like you were getting her ready to be 3.5 years ago before you didn’t have the right to lie, nor disrespect, not turn dark, cold, careless, unfaithful, nor cruel to Jasmine who still did not do that to you and never would since she loves you and owe her taking her back like you had written her in email, not go against keeping your word, and not deserving to go cheat, to not want to do wrong and hurt to her, abandon her unworthily on your part, unjustly, and disrespectfully when you weren’t over (why didn’t you want to take Jasmine with you to Kalani Honua when you weren’t through and not be cutthroat and still would have split rent with you and could have lived there together in a better place and environment that you still should care about these good environments for Jasmine that would have been better too with you still, as you are Jasmine’s home and love her life, better half, soul mate, dream man, loves your voice and personality when you were nicer and would like to know how to be the same back for you still how she can be what you still want, like, love, and choose above all others like she holds you, and need to not neglect that very important fact and detail of your word you neglected to tell your evil community who you didn’t deserve to cheat her for when Jasmine can be what the evil thieves are like instead and why them/what is it about them when Jasmine has had their talents for years before you met them, what did you not see and believe in Jasmine who can be what these evil others are like instead, what did and do these evil thieves have to offer that you don’t see in Jasmine who isn’t belonging separate by force nor cheated from you?, not want bad luck for her nor reject her now (why/why no?) and turn against her, nor lie and cheat on her when she doesn’t want revenge, wouldn’t annoy nor drain you, and wants you to work out what your problems are with her truthfully, for you to say what they are for clarity since she didn’t cheat on you, never would, know what your reasons are truthfully and how she can be what you still want, love, and hold on to, to come out of the dark place you are in that causes hurt that she wants to pull you out of and show you she isn’t meant apart nor wrong for you. Don’t avoid dealing with the wrong you did with no care to have caused hurt when Jasmine loves you, respects herself (in actions, she still rents her own room and cries over you misses you deeply/badly, has confidence too and these evil others’ talents too (modeling, yoga, writing) that you should see in Jasmine and not have no faith nor belief in her and not want her to die to you nor to leave you alone nor run away and cheat D: :'(. Why do you react this way for evil others that Jasmine can be like from the inside out with you wanting to help her become what they’re like, what you want still? You loved and protected each other, you became her guardian that she misses being loved back from you still today, four years later, doesn’t know what went wrong for you that you should tell her what that is and how you would want to work on fixing your problem instead of running away, disrespecting, hurting, nor cheating for these others you didn’t deserve to do anything with them instead, and not giving up, and being able to be in your care, love, heart, mind, consideration, and protecting each other. Jasmine’s persistent, doesn’t give up/quit. She can be like these evil, cruel, mean, wrong others who you shouldn’t be doing anything with and match your synergy and compatibility again now. You should feel bad for making her feel like competing with the thieves you don’t belong to and thinking of what these others have that she doesn’t to offer when you know Jasmine can have what they have too and should still believe in her now since 3.5 years ago when you did so much wrong and hurt causing the worst time of her life in Hawai’i when you became selfish, inconsiderate, and cheated. She loves you and you are her dream man, soul mate, better half, and love of her life who she would still want to marry and should still want to be her husband and not be unfaithful! She thinks of constantly how to win you, your heart, care, respect, loyalty, commitment, and love back and reach through to you again through music, poetry, and writing. How would you still want Jasmine and allow her access and be your dream woman (what is that like you should answer truthfully), and be your happiness again now. You should listen to “Close” by Nick Jonas and not continue making excuses nor cheating and causing suffering carelessly as you wouldn’t like anyone doing that to you. Apply your beliefs in spirituality, how you treated the people at Kalani Honua who weren’t better nor more superior, to how you should treat Jasmine again with more love, care, respect, loyalty, commitment, and kindness again. Stop making Jasmine go through hell and wanting to hurt her badly since 3.5 years ago and know she doesn’t have a happy nor easy time without you and is safer and better together. You belong together with Jasmine still and being what you still want now without your infidelity, hurt, lies, and disrespect. Rightfully, make these evil thieves who don’t belong to you leave you alone and you leave them alone as you should truly see they’re not better women who Jasmine can be exactly like them for you, what is that like still?? Leave those thieves alone and make them leave you alone instead. This forced separation when you weren’t over from what word you gave Jasmine you weren’t meant to lie about, your miserable, unfairness, injustice, your cheating is not ok and all the unkindness, carelessness, hurt, cheating and cruelty you cause isn’t right neither, not be inhumane so you should still care to not be disrespectful, and leave those evil bitches who are mean and evil alone! The right thing to do is to work with Jasmine on being what you still want and love back and care for her heart, feelings still now and can be what you still like, want, and love not cause more hurt and trouble nor want to make her jealous of who you shouldn’t cheat and hurt her for now when you should still know and have faith maturely and civilly she can be who you still want to grow together with and be on the same path to take her with you in your adventures and travels and civilly with respect back, humanity, care, love, and kindness back.

Dark Feelings

Love is a feeling and an emotion, not an attachment. In missing a very dear, loved and unfortunately ex boyfriend named Asim who I have been looking to reconnect with and look for help with still being who he also wants to keep in person in his life and not keep hurting me for his new woman who is not much different than myself for being loved by him again, I have been asking friends for help talking with him about including me in his life and caring about working out our problems and still be able to be work and live together with him not other people. Looking for his love and care again and wondering what has changed in him in which ways and what has happened to him has lead me to depression and suicidal feelings every night and longing to have his care, safety, protection, and his love again. This is a work in progress without his new partner ever having taken my home with him away from me and the love of my life. If ever anyone would be kind enough and could help persuade him to drop his restraining order of his slander and lies in not resulting in me having to move from Hawai’i while not just being moved down to friends to still be in each others’ lives with his care that the the survival and life I too choose is at KALANI because of not being able to have anything without him nor work and housing at Kalani in deserving the kind of lifestyle I would like too with him, not Alexandra whom He could work with me and change me to be like her from the inside out for his love and care again.


Hello, my name is Jasmine. This is my first blog and would like to share my feelings and experiences of what I have been and am going through now. I am changing my name to Alexandra though because of trying to get the love of my life back and in having his new partner’s (unfortunately) personality and what she talks and sounds like and having the same stance in profanity as her. His name is Asim and he is from Pakistan not far from where I originate from Afghanistan, but was born in Northern California. Not far from Oregon. Through very depressing heartbreak from Asim, I have been trying to be who he finds love and happiness with again and have not known what has changed in him in what ways, what has happened to him, causing me to feel suicidal and depressed from his lies and slander against me and hurting me for another woman named Alexandra who could let him go and be with someone else instead of taking him away from me and for him to never have initiated getting involved with her. In understanding that she could and should leave him alone instead of taking my love and home away from me with him, she is who I have been searching for help with communicating with and Asim about being able to work there and for him to drop an untruthful restraining order he has against me. I’ve been looking for help with people and friends in persuading him to drop his restraining order and caring to be his choice and love again instead of Alexandra when I had been who he was very happy with and deeply truly in love with and connected with very deeply lovingly caringly and nurturingly. This is a work in progress through the depression and heartbreak and trying to still be in his life in person with getting him to understand not to view me as his past and not keep hurting me with Alexandra but to still keep me as his choice and feelings with love and care and his safety as he still should to still be his love his choice and who he still misses. A lot of nights are rainy in Hawai’i where I am now at and a couple have been filled with wind and brightly lit dark blue skies by loud thunder. I am longing to be kept safe by him again and living with him as who he would still love and miss wanting to live and be with again. His music he used to play for me out of love still haunts me and is in my memories that I cherish dearly of him where good friends have been trying to persuade him to drop his restraining order against me and still be kept and allowed at a yoga retreat and work place called Kalani with his help being important in becoming unbanned.

A hui hou